


You are more than that

by Magdelope



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-26 05:35:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1676621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magdelope/pseuds/Magdelope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drowning under feelings of guilt after Torfan, Shepard goes out for the night only to meet an asari called Liara. Slightly AU since Shepard meets Liara before ME1.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

“Leave me alone, Alenko,” Shepard snapped, “I’m not in the mood.” Kaidan looked as if he wanted to say something else but he came to his senses and left his squadmate to herself in the otherwise empty mess hall. Shepard sighed, feeling relieved that she was once more alone with her thoughts. She didn’t want to go anywhere, and least of all with Kaidan. He reminded her what she had once been. A long time ago they had been friends, but life had pushed them apart. All Shepard felt towards him now was relief that he hadn’t come with her to Torfan. If he had, she would have sent him to his death like the rest of her crew. People called her a hero, but they didn’t know the truth. Butcher was more appropriate.  
The sound of several feet caused the soldier to sit up straight, she didn’t want to show any weakness or regret. She didn’t want to let anyone know of her heavy mind. Several of her squadmates came walking through the mess hall, dressed up and clearly on their way to any of the parties that were going on on the Citadel. Soon the Normandy would be empty, except for Shepard and Captian Anderson. Shepard knew that her captain had as many demons as she did. Maybe they would find each other, drink together and talk it out. Just like they had so many other times when the Normandy was empty.  
“Shepard!” A man called out, but the soldier barely lifted her head, they were all faceless to her.  
“Come with us!” The same person called. Shepard looked up, he was young and she recognized his name… Jenkins something.  
“You look like you need a drink,” a soldier to his right said, her red earings glittering in the light, “and it’s no day to be sad. C’mon!” It wasn’t a day to be sad, it was the tenth of April according to the earth calender, the only holiday that most of the species in council space shared. But Shepard wasn’t sad; she was tired and weary and wanted to forget. What she didn’t want was to go to a party, full of humans that would all know her name. A party where starstruck men and women would come up to her, fawn over her and buy her drinks. She wanted solitude and silence.  
“I’m going to stay,” she said, trying to keep her voice calm even though she just wanted to growl at them but she couldn’t help the nasty look she gave them when it seemed like they were going to complain.  
“Very well,” Jenkins said and the group left. 

The Normandy grew silent. Shepard took deep, calm breaths. Then she stood up, grabbed a bottle of Serrice Ice brandy and two glasses and made her way up to Captain Anderson’s cabin, thinking they could spend the tenth of April drinking to forget like they always did. To her surprise he wasn’t sitting by the table waiting for her like he usually did. Instead he was standing by his mirror in a suit.  
“Umm,” Shepard said at the surprising vision, “are you going somewhere, Captain?”  
Anderson turned to her, and she could see that he looked happier than he had in years. He was smiling.  
“I have a date,” he said coyly, “I met a woman, Shepard, a lovely, good woman who for some reason agreed to go out with me.”  
Shepard felt betrayed, her last ally leaving her behind. She tried to smile, but knew she didn’t properly manage. She looked down at the bottle in her hand, feeling foolish. Anderson noticed her discomfort.  
“Shepard,” he said, “you know I think about you like my daughter. This thing we do, drinking and forgetting, it doesn’t lead to anywhere. Live a little. Don’t forget where you’ve been, just… move on.”  
“I can’t move on,” Shepard whispered. She felt like a scared child and hated it. She swallowed back the stupid, pathetic tears she could feel threatening to spill out.  
Anderson ignored it out of respect. He really did want to help Shepard move on somehow.  
“Go out,” he eventually said, “be among people. Drink. Try to smile.”  
“I don’t feel like,” Shepard said, feeling embarrassed at her childish words.  
“Go out tonight,” Anderson pressed on, “just tonight. That’s an order.” He winked at her, too happy to share her sadness. He still couldn’t believe that Kahlee Sanders had agreed to go on a date with him. Then he passed her and was gone, leaving Shepard in the doorway. Shepard stood still for a few moments, then she kicked the wall angrily and left as well.  
…  
The citadel was buzzing with festivities. People of all races where coming together, dancing and singing. It was clearly a time to be merry, as most people were. Shepard ignored them, walking around without a target. She wished she was back on the Normandy, she didn’t know why she had left or where she was going. She made the mistake of walking through the ward where most of the human parties were taking place.  
“Shepard!”  
“Wait, isn’t that Shepard?”  
“Oh my god, it’s Shepard! Hey, Shepard! Over here!”  
Shepard looked down, trying hard to ignore them. She had no patience for stupid fans, wanting her attention. She wasn’t who they thought she was. Shepard sighed, if they only knew what a monster she really was.  
She went by the human parties and soon the catcalls and general recognition tapered off. Soon she found herself amidst a group of celebrating asaris. They smiled politely at her but it was clear that no one recognized her and Shepard felt calm, surrounded by a blue sea. Without thinking she let them guide her to the party they were heading to.  
It was all asari so far, but the drinks were good and the music easy to move to. Shepard found herself lost in anonymity and loved it. She was just a person in the crowd, not a hero, not a butcher. She found her way to the dance floor and started swaying to the music. It felt good.  
That was when she noticed an occupied looking asari sitting by a table to the side. She didn’t seem to notice the dancing and celebrating around her but was rather typing away on her omnitool. Shepard didn’t even know what it was about the asari that her caught her eye, but now that she had noticed her, the soldier noticed that she couldn’t look away. The asari seemed to sense that she was being observed. She lifted her gace to the dance floor and ther eyes met immediately. The asari had clear blue eyes, black markings over them that resembled human eyebrows perfectly and her cheeks were rather adorably covered in freckles. Shepard couldn’t help but smile, thinking that the asari was one of the cutest creatures she had ever laid her eyes on. The asari returned the smile, although somehow nervously and a cute, purple, blush spread over her cheeks. The asari quickly lowever her head and continued typing.  
At the end of the next song, Shepard left the dance floor, her heart beating a bit quicker as she approached the asari. She didn’t know why. The soldier just wanted to talk with her a little bit, know her name, see her smile again.  
“Hi,” Shepard said when she reached the table where the asari was sitting. The asari looked up at her, her eyes expanding a bit when she noticed it was the human who had smiled at her before.  
“Hi,” she said as well, “umm, do you want to sit down?” She asked afterwards, unsure what to do.  
“Thanks,” Shepard said and eased herself down on the sofa next to the asari. They looked at each other a bit awkwardly but smiling.  
“I’m Shepard,” the soldier said, hoping that her name wouldn’t ring a bell, but the asari showed no signs of the name meaning anything to her.  
“Liara T’soni,” she said and shook Shepard’s offered hand, not unfamiliar to the human custom even though she had never performed it before.  
“Liara,” Shepard said, tasting the name, “why are you sitting here?” she asked, “why are you not dancing?” Liara seemed embarrassed and looked down.  
“You must think I’m being awfully strange,” Liara said, “I would have preferred not to come tonight at all, my coworkers thought it would be good for me.”  
Shepard smiled kindly, encouraging her to keep going. She sensed that Liara was shy and not use to talking strangers.  
“What are you working on?” She asked, genuinly curious.  
“I’m working on my theses,” Liara said, “if everything goes according to plan I will have a doctorate in archeology by the end of the year.” She blushed happily at the thought of her work, the love of her life.  
“What is it about?” Shepard asked, happy to be gifted with Liara’s smile. She wanted for the asari to keep talking, her voice chased away the heaviness in Shepard’s heart.  
“Have you heard of the protheans?” Liara started, her eyes lightening up, “my theses focuses on their extinction. They were the pinnacle race of their time, their technology and knowledge surpassing even ours today. They built the citadel and the mass relays! And still they were wiped out by… something. Leaving almost no trace at all. It’s a mystery that keeps me up at night.” Liara grew silent, feeling embarrassed of her silly interest. She was used to being ridiculed for the way she let history and archeology, and halfway expected the human to make some disinterested comment and then leave. To her surprise Shepard leaned forward as if waiting for her to keep going. But it was Liara’s turn to ask questions.  
“But I’m rambling,” she said gently, “what do you do, Shepard?”  
“I work with the Alliance,” Shepard said shortly, “soldier, N7.” Liara remained silent as if expecting her to continue but Shepard didn’t want to say anything else. The solder looked down at the table. It always came down to this. What she did for living. Her work. The thing that defined her. Heartless. Butcher. Monster.  
“Sounds… dangerous,” Liara said, “do you like it?”  
“Yeah,” Shepard said, searching for words, “ it’s alright.”  
“Hey, Liara,” a couple of asaris came to their table, “we’re leaving now, are you coming?”  
Liara looked questioningly at Shepard.  
“I think I’ll stay for a bit,” she said slowly and Shepard nodded.  
“I can walk you home later if you’d like,” Shepard said.  
The asaris looked surprised at Liara and Shepard, not use to their young friend willingly staying out or talking with people. After some good byes they left. It was almost midnight, but apart from Liara’s friends leaving the party was still going strong around them. Liara cleared her throat.  
“What brings you to the Citadel?” She asked.  
“Can’t say I’m afraid,” Shepard said, “it’s Alliance business, but tonight everyone is on shoreleave. What about you?”  
Liara nodded.  
“I did my undergraduate work and my masters on Thessia,” she said, “but for my theses I had to relocate to. The main institution of archeology is actually based on on Illium.”  
“Why are you here?” Shepard asked.  
“We had some lectures on how the council races work together on certain archeological projects. I wanted to go. I didn’t know that my coworkers would make me go out almost every night this week,” Liara said with a hint of irritation in her voice.  
“But you live on Illium,” Shepard said.  
“For now,” Liara replied.  
“You don’t like it?”  
“It’s okay,” Liara continued, “but it is not where I belong. The happiest I have ever been was when I had to visit prothean digsites for my masters.”  
“You were never lonely?” Shepard asked.  
Liara shook her head.  
“Strangely no. I grew up with people around me all the time, so I’ve always found solitute peaceful. That’s also why I didn’t want to come here tonight, I’d rather work on my theses so I can go back to excavating.” Liara couldn’t help but smiling at the thought of getting off Illium to go back to digging, but there was also a nagging worry that Shepard would find her boring.  
“If you don’t want to be here, we could go right away,” Shepard offered, not wanting to keep the asari if she didn’t want to stay.  
“No, I…” Liara blushed, “I like talking with you, Shepard.”  
Shepard smiled at Liara’s shy smile.  
“I like talking with you too, Liara,” she replied, “but if you don’t mind we could leave anyway. We could walk slowly and talk in the same time.”  
Liara smiled and put away her omnitool, eager to leave the stuffy air of the club.  
“Sounds lovely,” she said, “let’s go.”  
They exited the club together. 

Outside the club, they could still feel the beat of the music, but it was calmer and both Liara and Shepard breathed easier. As most people had found their way to different parties by now, the way was mainly empty so Liara and Shepard could easily walk, undisturbed, together and talk. Suddenly there was a beep from Shepard’s omnitool. She looked at it, wrinkles forming on her forehead. She sighed and put the omnitool away again.  
“Sorry,” she mumbled to Liara.  
“What is it?” Liar asked, slightly concerned at how tired Shepard suddenly looked.  
“It’s past midnight,” Shepard said, “so, technically, today is my birthday.”  
“Oh,” Liara said, “happy birth…”  
“No,” Shepard almost snapped, “I don’t…” she noticed Liara’s slightly hurt face, “I’m sorry. It’s not a day I enjoy or commemorate at all, it’s not a day that I even like. But I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”  
Liara looked at her, searching her face for something. Shepard felt scrutinized under her blue gaze, but for some reason it didn’t feel like a bad thing.  
“It’s okay,” the asari said, “don’t worry about it.”  
They continued walking in silence. A huge crowd of humans came out of nowhere and Shepard and Liara pressed themselves to the side to let them pass. Shepard closed her eyes in panic when a human woman suddenly turned around and recognized her.  
“Hey,” she said, breathless, “you’re Shepard, right?”  
“No,” Shepard said, ignoring Liara’s questioning look, “you’ve made a mistake.” She grabbed Liara’s hand and pulled Liara away from the crowd. After they were at a safe distant and her would-be admirers had given up, Shepard stopped walking as fast but didn’t let go of Liara’s hand. It felt natural and Shepard found that she didn’t want to let go. Luckily, neither did Liara. They walked together to the side of the little bridge, looking out over the water. Shepard couldn’t help but look down quickly at their joint hands. It was such an innocent gesture, but for some reason it sent her heart racing. Shepard felt a sudden urge to tell the asari everything, to explain, to share. To have her fears, her sadness and her angers validated by somebody other than herself and Anderson.  
“What did you do?” Liara’s question woke Shepard out of her thoughts.  
“Why do you ask?”  
“You feel bad for something,” Liara said, “something that other people look up to you for.” Liara looked at Shepard with concern in her eyes.  
“I…” Shepard said, “am I that easy to read?”  
Liara smiled.  
“No,” she replied, “but you’re talking to an archeologist, remember? I dig up secrets.”  
Shepard smiled, let go of Liara’s hand and grasped the railing with both hands, steadying herself.  
“I don’t want you to think badly of me,” she said and closed her eyes.  
“Take a chance,” Liara said and gave Shepard’s arm a reassuring squeeze.  
Shepard took a deep breath and then she started talking. She told Liara about everything. She told her about her childhood on earth, about how she joined the Alliance on her 16th birthday, pretending to be two years older so they would let her in. How she always got the job done but even as she got better and better she felt more and more hollow. How she had killed. How she had been ruthless her whole life. She told Liara about Torfan. About loneliness. About guilt and about surviving.  
When she had stopped talking, she turned to Liara, expecting revulsion and fear but all she got was compassion and sadness. Liara smiled a sad smile at her, wanting to reassure Shepard that she didn’t judge, even as big silent tears trailed down her cheeks.  
“I’m sorry,” the asari said quickly and lifted her sleeve to wipe her tears but Shepard was quicker. The soldier reached out and wiped the tears away with her thumb, but didn’t remove her hand. Instead she allowed her thumb to move lower and pass over Liara’s lips. Liara’s breath hitched a little and she felt her heart beat in her throat. Shepard looked at her, a silent question in her eyes. Liara couldn’t do anything but give them what they both needed. She took two quick steps, stood up on her toes and pressed her lips against Shepards.  
Shepard was surprised at Liara’s actions but couldn’t resist smiling into the kiss. Shepard had been unknowingly imagining what it would have been like to kiss Liara and the little asari’s lips tasted just as sweet as she had imagined.  
They pulled away slowly, both a bit out of breath. Liara couldn’t believe that she had actually kissed a stranger. She looked up at the soldier and wished she hadn’t because she immediately wanted more. Shepard looked slightly flushed, her lips were red and her eyes were fixated on Liara’s face.  
“Liara,” she whispered.  
“Shepard,” Liara replied, equally breathless. She bit her lip, wondering if this was really what she wanted, if she really could do this, “where can we go?”  
Shepard looked just as surprised as Liara felt. Of course the solder wanted her. To have her, to wrap herself in her heat and scent. Spend a night of blissful forgetting.  
“Are you sure?” Shepard had to ask. The young asari in front of her was clearly inexperienced and Shepard couldn’t bear the thought of harming her in any way.  
“I’m sure,” Liara said and reached out to take Shepard’s hand, “I want this. I want to. I… I want… you.” The last words were barely a whisper and the purple blush of Liara’s cheeks were spreading to the rest of her face and down to her chest. Shepard held Liara’s hand in a firm grip and gave a reassuring smile, even as Liara’s words sent a bolt of electricity through her.  
“We can go to my ship,” she said, but felt doubtful. They slept in pods and there weren’t any place where they could take Liara. The asari sensed her doubt.  
“I have a room,” she said.  
…  
Shepard couldn’t help but smile at Liara’s room. It suited the asari perfectly. It was organised except for the desk that was cluttered with papers and datapads. Some of them in the standard language but most of them covered in the swirling letters of the asari alphabet.  
“What?” Liara said when she saw Shepard smiling quietly. She took her omnitool off and placed it on the table.  
“I was just thinking how… this room suits you,” Shepard said.  
Liara blushed.  
“I’ve only been here a couple of weeks,” she said and glanced at the desk, “but I guess I have spread out a little.”  
Shepard smiled and ran her hands up and down Liara’s bare arms.  
“My captain would call it organised chaos,” she said. Liara smiled at that. Then things turned awkward again. It had felt so easy, so right, before but now Liara wasn’t sure how to start it again. She looked at Shepard’s face, counted the freckles on Shepard’s nose and cheeks. They looked so similar to her own markings.  
“I…” Liara tried but lost her courage. Shepard reached out, grabbed Liara’s chin gently and made her look at her. She could see the confusion and nervousness that was swirling in Liara’s eyes but the human could also a hint of desire and wanted to help the asari bring it out.  
“What is it?” She asked.  
“I’ve never done this before,” Liara said eventually, almost tearing up at her secret. She was young, but not that young and she wondered how Shepard would react.  
“What?” Shepard said gently while she slowly closed the distance between them, “been with a human?”  
“No,” Liara said and remained silent while Shepard leaned down and kissed her delicately, “I have never done any of it.”  
“Oh,” Shepard leaned back, feeling unsure. She had been with asaris before, but never a complete virgin. She silently wondered if it was better for asaris to be with other asaris the first time, guide them through their first meld. Shepard only had shallow knowledge about mating melds and didn’t feel confident that she could do right by Liara.  
It was as if Liara could sense what the soldier was thinking. She kissed Shepard’s cheek to get the human’s attention again and when the emerald eyes were once more focused on her she kissed her on the lips.  
“Just…” she said, “just be gentle with me, okay?”  
“Liara, I,” but Liara didn’t let her finish. She took hold of Shepard’s shoulders and crashed them together. She wanted this, needed this, as much as Shepard did. She had never met anyone like Shepard before and Liara was no fool. She realised that she might never see Shepard again. And somebody had to be her first. She wanted to give this to Shepard. She wanted to give herself to the tragic hero who made her heart ache. She didn’t know how she knew, but she was sure that this was the right choice.  
Shepard couldn’t help it. She had been adamant that she was going to take it easy and be gentle, but Liara’s sudden movement had awaken something within her. She couldn’t help it. She growled and held Liara close, coaxing the asari to part her lips and let her tongue inside. Suddenly they were in a hurry. Liara lifted her fingers to undo the buttons on Shepard’s shirt while Shepard reached for the zipper on Liara’s dress. She checked quickly to see if Liara was still willing and when she found no resistance she tugged on it. Liara shivered as her dress opened in the back, but it had nothing to do with the cold but rather how Shepard’s large hands were exploring her back.  
“Shepard,” she sighed. She leaned back enough to let her dress fall off to the ground, leaving her naked except underwear. There were goosebumps covering her arms and her belly, but Shepard’s vision zoomed in on her chest.  
“May I?” Shepard said, but couldn’t even wait for Liara’s answer. She closed the distance between them, covering Liara’s breasts with her hands and then dived in on her neck. Kissing, licking and nipping at the sensitive skin.  
The asari didn’t know what to do, her whole body was pulsing and she felt alive in a way that she never had before. She just arched her body, trying to push into Shepard’s touch, hoping it would never end. Then Shepard started kissing over Liara’s collarbone and down her chest, when the soldier reached Liara’s nipple and took it in her mouth Liara whimpered and weakly put her arms around the human’s neck. Her knees were shaking and she wondered if she could stand upright for long.  
“Shepard,” she tried to pull away.  
“What?” Shepard asked, slightly worried, “did I do something wrong? Did I…”  
“No,” Liara interuppted gently, “just take this off. Please?” As much as Liara was enjoying the feel of slightly course fabric on her skin, she knew it would feel even more amazing being skin to skin. Shepard smiled, and quickly pushed her shirt off of her shoulders while Liara started unbuttoning her trousers. Off came her trousers, her shirt and her sportsbra and soon she was only clad in her underwear and her dogtags. Liara testingly took a hold of the dogtags and wrapped them around her hand while pulling Shepard closer. She swallowed a lump in her throat. She couldn’t wait for what came next. The asari didn’t know where her courage came from, but she started walking backwards, pulling the soldier with her. Shepard smiled at Liara’s clear eagerness but couldn’t wait to have the asari under her, flushed and hungry for anything Shepard could give her. The soldier just to had to remember to not get overly zelous, this was still Liara’s first time.  
When the back of Liara’s legs hit the bed, she sat down on it, looking up at Shepard with eager, hopefull eyes. She truster that Shepard would take care of her, that Shepard would know what to do.  
Shepard leaned forward, over Liara, causing the asari to shiver and kissed her deeply. She did know what to do.  
“Move backwards,” she said huskily and climbed over Liara when the asari moved back and settled over the big pillows at the head of the bed. Shepard couldn’t wait any longer, she settled herself over Liara’s body, revelling at how well they fitted together. Liara whimpered as she, out of pure instinct, let her thighs part for Shepard to settle between them. Shepard groaned and couldn’t help how her hips bucked into Liara. Liara arched up, but didn’t have words for what she needed. She could only whisper Shepard’s name one more time and kiss her even more.  
“I’m here,” Shepard said, her hand leaving Liara’s side and travelling lower, silently wondering if she was moving too fast. But by the way Liara was sounding and moving it wasn’t. When Shepard reached Liara’s lips, she was greeted with more wetness than she had expected and she couldn’t help but groan at the sensation. She let her fingers glide through silky skin, and heard Liara go “oh” underneith her, it was as if the asari hadn’t expected it to feel that way. Shepard smirked, while keeping her touch gentle on Liara’s clit. The human felt strangely proud that she was the first to ever get to touch Liara in this way, the first to feel her trembles and hear her soft sighs. Shepard wanted more. She wanted her fingers to be completely enveloped in Liara’s heat and continued forward.  
Liara bended her knees and lifted them up, cradling Shepard at the apex of her thighs while running her nails over Shepard’s shoulder, hoping that Shepard would realise what she wanted without her needing to say anything. She needen’t worry. Shepard knew what she wanted.  
Shepard teasingly slid her fingers to Liara’s opening, testing the waters. But soon it wasn’t enough. She wanted to be inside Liara and slowly eased one finger inside. Liara froze, not sure which reaction Shepard was looking for. It felt overwhelming and incredible, and Liara wanted to give something back. She wanted to make sure that Shepard was enjoying this as well.  
Shepard started moving, carefully at first but then more forcefully as Liara opened up more. The soldier didn’t know if she should dare to use one more fingers but after sensing to pain in Liara, she added one more finger. Liara whimpered at the initial discomfort but it was soon pushed to the back of her mind as Shepard started moving again. The human was daring to move faster and faster, moving her hand with all the finesse she could muster while still rubbing herself on the back of it, pushing it even further against Liara.  
Liara wanted Shepard closer. She threw one of her legs on top of Shepard’s back and held her even closer. Shepard’s panting was loud in her ear and she felt the human’s heart beating against her breast. But Liara wanted more. She wanted to be closer, to be even more intimate. Liara knew what was happening, even if she wasn’t sure how it would actually feel. But she had to warn Shepard.  
“Shep…”she tried, but was too out of breath, “Shepard, I…” Shepard silenced her with kisses. She had been expecting this.  
“It’s okay,” Shepard said next to her ear, “join with me.”  
Liara let her mind fly forward, hitting Shepard’s and melting them together. On the physical plane, they had continued moving, Shepard on top, protecting and taking care of Liara. In their minds however, Shepard’s inner turmoil became clear and Liara reached out, trying to give as much comfort as she could. For the first time, Liara could feel all the sadness and heaviness she had sensed earlier while they were talking and her heart wept for Shepard. The soldier could feel it, and try to pull back.  
Don’t, Liara thought, it’s okay.  
It’s not. I’m a monster. A butcher.  
Liara didn’t know what to say. She had never killed anyone. She just held Shepard closer.  
I’m just a killing machine.  
The thought echoed between them, and Liara had to reply.  
You are much more than that, she thought towards Shepard, not bearing the thought that the woman on top of her thought such things. She touched the top of Shepard’s head, stroaking her over her hair. She felt Shepard bury her face in the crook of Liara’s neck and breathe deeply.  
I’ve got you. Liara thought one last time before giving her over to thoughts of pleasure. She felt Shepard hold on to her both in the physical world, and gave herself over and let Shepard hold on to her, taking what she needed.  
You’re safe. For tonight you’re loved. I’ve got you.  
“Liara!” Shepard gasped suddenly and moved even faster. Without thinking, she inserted a third finger and growled when Liara reacted by moaning and clawing at her back. It was too much, too fast and release caught Shepard off guard. Liara felt Shepard’s release through the meld and tumbled into release herself, crying out and clutching at Shepard’s back.  
Their release tapered off into pleasurable waves of emotion. Liara and Shepard didn’t know what had just happened, they had been swept up into something bigger than themselves and now that it was over it was hard to let go.  
A beep from Shepard’s omnitool woke them up and Liara broke the meld as softly and gently as she could.  
“I should get that,” Shepard said while removing her fingers. She kept her gaze away from Liara. Now that it was over she was embarrassed over showing weakness.  
“I understand,” Liara said, but cupped Shepard’s cheek, making the human look at her, “Shepard,” she said, “look at me.” Shepard finally met her gaze. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Liara.  
“I’m sorry,” Shepard said, “I’m sorry for everything.”  
“Shepard,” Liara breathed, “this was one of the most amazing nights of my life. You have nothing to be sorry about.”  
Shepard let Liara kiss her, but then she sat up and made her way to the end of the bed. Liara let her leave but felt her heart aching. She felt empty in a way she didn’t recognise.  
Shepard stood up, located her underwear and trousers. She then went and checked her omnitool. Lines appeared on her forehead and Liara wanted to run up to her and kiss them away.  
“Will I ever see you again?” She asked. Shepard looked up.  
“I don’t know,” the human answered, wanting to be truthful, “I’m not on the citadel often. I’ve never been to Illium.” Shepard noticed how Liara’s face fell and she wanted to go to her, take Liara in her arms, kiss her and make lots of promises that she wasn’t sure she could keep.  
“I could go to Illium sometime,” she said.  
“I knew what this was,” Liara said, she didn’t want Shepard to feel bad. It had been Liara’s idea after all.  
Shepard looked up and quickly walked up to the bed and sat down next to the asari who had wrapped the blanket around her.  
“This was…” Shepard started, “this was more than that. You know that, Liara. This meant a lot to me.”  
Liara smiled coyly, relieved at Shepard’s words.  
“It meant a lot to me too,” she said, “Shepard, I…” Another beep sounded from Shepard’s omnitool.  
“Damn,” Shepard said softly, “I really have to go.”  
Liara tried to smile, but felt so sad at the thought of Shepard leaving that it was difficult. Shepard wanted to say something to make the little asari feel better, to make her little asari feel better.  
“Good luck with your doctorate,” she said. Liara nodded.  
“Thank you,” she said, “and good luck with…”  
“Yeah,” Shepard replied, she leaned down to press one last kiss on Liara’s lips. She swallowed the sudden sadness that was forming a lump in her throat. She felt an immense gratefulness towards the asari. Liara had truly made her forget for a few moments. Shepard realised why Anderson had seemed so hopeful earlier. If Shepard had known that Liara was waiting for her, she would have left the Normandy earlier. She picked up the rest of her clothes and put them on. She smiled at Liara one last time and then started walking towards the door.  
“Shepard!” Liara called out from the bed. Shepard turned around and looked at Liara, taking her in. She never wanted to forget her. Liara smiled.  
“Happy birthday, Shepard.”


	2. Part 2

“This is an outrage!” Udina said.  
“It is,” Shepard replied, “but not in the way you think it is.”   
“What is that supposed to mean?” Udina said and took a step forward. Shepard almost chuckled. Did the little man actually think he could threaten her? Her? The killing machine? Before she could say anything back at him, Anderson stepped in between them.  
“We’ve got no time to waste,” he said in his most authoritative voice, “Shepard, you know what to do. You have to find Matriarch Benezia’s daughter, find out what she knows and go after Saren. Me and Udina are going to…”  
Shepard didn’t keep listening, instead she looked interestingly at the little Qurian who was standing next her. It was an alien race she wasn’t too familiar with and was looking forward to talking with her later. She also couldn’t wait to take out Saren, he was dangerous and had to be stopped. She wanted to know the reason why she had a vision in her head.  
Before the vision, the years had been rather kind to Shepard. Meeting the sweet asari on the citadel had been a turning point for her; she was no longer dead inside and had regained the will to live, despite still dealing with her confusing emotions. That didn’t mean that she had changed her attitude to others, or her methods, but it did mean that she no longer spent her birthdays drinking until she couldn’t remember her own name.  
“Come on,” she said, tired of listening to Udina and Anderson bickering, “I need to go.”  
…  
As soon as Shepard, Ashley and Wrex stepped out of the elevator, a voice called out to them.  
“Umm… hello? Could somebody help me? Please?”  
Shepard knew that voice. It was a voice that she still heard in her dreams.   
They walked around the corner and the commander could hardly believe when she saw the blue figure hanging in the stasis field in front of her. She hadn’t known that Liara was Matriarch Benezia’s daughter. The commander felt herself smiling, but silently wondered if it was wise to show that she knew her. The asari looked at the group, unseeing. Shepard guessed that even if the stasis field looked clear from where they were standing, Liara could actually not see them very well.  
“Can you hear me out there?” The distressed asari continued, “I’m trapped, I need help.”  
“Are you okay?” Shepard said genuinely worried, “what happened to you?”  
“Listen,” Liara said, “this thing that I’m in is a prothean security device. I cannot move, so I need you to get me out of it, alright?”  
Shepard wanted to immediately go to Liara’s rescue but she felt Wrex’s eyes on her back. She had a job to do. She forced her voice.  
“Your mother is working for Saren,” she said, glad that Liara couldn’t properly see her, “which side are you on?” She didn’t like to question to asari like a criminal but she had no choice. This was a war.  
“What?” The asari exclaimed, “I’m not on anybody’s side! I may be Benezia’s daughter but I’m nothing like her. I haven’t spoken to her in years. Please, get me out of here.”  
Shepard nodded and when she realized that Liara couldn’t see her she said it out loud as well.  
“Let’s go”, she said and the group made their way through the geth.  
…  
Liara heard the steps behind her and felt relief wash over her in waves. She had almost given up hope when she had heard the shooting earlier.  
“How did you get in here?” She asked, “I thought there was no way through the barrier.” As soon as the words had left her, Liara regretted them. She didn’t want to admit that she hadn’t thought would succeed and she definitely didn’t want them to think that she was ungrateful. She started to wonder who they were. She hadn’t been able to see them properly and their voices had been muffled.  
“We have to get you out of here before more geth arrive,” a voice behind her said. Liara’s heart started beating faster. She knew that voice.  
“Yes, you’re right,” she said, still unable to fully turn around and confirm her suspicions. “I’ve seen enough of them to last a lifetime. That button should shut down my containment field.”  
Liara groaned as she was suddenly no longer encased in blue light and her knees hit the floor. She turned around and was standing face to face with the human stranger that had shared her bed all those years ago. Shepard looked distant and Liara’s heart sank when Shepard didn’t show any signs of recognizing her.  
“How do we get out of here?” The human next to Shepard asked.  
“There is an elevator back in the center of the tower, at least I think it’s an elevator,” Liara answered, “it should take us out of here. Come on!”  
The walked quickly to the elevator. Shepard walked in front, discussing something with Wrex in hushed, important voices. Liara felt overwhelmed. She looked awkwardly at the other human woman who was standing next to her. She was clearly a soldier as well, with an impressive physique but somehow lacking in the same magnetism that Shepard possessed. Liara looked at Shepard’s back. She knew it was maybe silly and naïve of her, but she really had thought that Shepard would have remembered her.  
…  
“We almost died out there and your pilot is making jokes?” Liara couldn’t believe the comments from the pilot. Shepard looked at her.  
“Joker pulled our asses out of there,” she said, “I think he has earned the right to a few bad jokes.” Shepard was still distant, standing far away from Liara with her arms crossed. Little did the asari know that Shepard was fighting everything she had to not go forward and take the archeologist into her arms.  
“I guess it might be a human thing,” Liara said, “I don’t have much experience dealing with your species commander,” she continued. To her surprise Shepard looked alarmed for a moment. “I hope I don’t seem ungrateful. I would have died had you not rescued me. And not just from the volcano. Those geth would have killed me or dragged me off to Saren.”  
“What did Saren want with you?” One of the humans asked, “do you know something about the conduit?”  
Liara sighed.  
“Only that it was somehow connected to the protheans’ extinction - that is my real area of expertise. I have spent the past 50 years trying to figure out what happened to them.”  
Shepard remembered talking with Liara about the protheans on the citadel and felt a surge of pride that the asari clearly had gone on to earn her doctorate.  
“I have evidence to believe that the protheans were wiped out by a race called the reapers.”  
“The… the reapers?” Liara asked, suddenly unsure of herself, “but I’ve never heard of… what evidence do you have?”  
“There was a damaged prothean beacon on Eden Prime,” Shepard said matter-of-factly, “it burnt a vision into my brain. I’m still trying to sort out what it all means.”  
“Visions?” Liara said, “yes! That makes sense. The beacons were designed to transmit messages directly into the mind of the user, finding one that still works is extremely rare. No wonder the geth attacked Eden Prime! The chance to acquire a working beacon, even a badly damaged one, is worth almost any risk. But the beacons were only programmed to work with prothean physiology, whatever information you received must have been confused, unclear. I am… amazed that you were able to make any sense of at all.”  
The human next to the commander was clearly getting impatient with all the talking.  
“This is getting us nowhere,” he snapped, “this won’t help us find Saren or the conduit.” Shepard threw him a nasty look, as if irritated by the fact that he had snapped at Liara.  
“Of course,” the asari said, “I am sorry, my scientific curiosity got better of me. Unfortunately I do not have any information that could help you find the conduit or Saren.” Liara felt silly as she said it and she noticed that two humans in the room were definitely losing patience. But Shepard’s face had unhardened and she almost smiled at Liara.  
“I don’t know why Saren wanted you out of the picture,” she said and for the first time met Liara’s eyes, “but I think it will be better for the both of us if we take you along.”  
“Thank you commander,” Liara said and stood up, “Saren might come after me again. I cannot think of anywhere safer than on your ship and my knowledge of the protheans might be useful later on.” The asari tried smiling at Shepard and felt relieved when Shepard returned it.  
“Good to have you on the team, Liara,” Shepard said.   
“Thank you commander, I…” Liara felt nauseous for a moment but quickly pushed it to the back of her mind, “Commander I, I hope you don’t think I’m... Perhaps, if you like, I could help you make sense of the vision? I could use the meld.” A little voice was telling her that she was exhausted and should rest but Liara pushed all those thoughts to the back of her mind. She was more than curious about the vision, but part of her also longed to meld with the human again. Even if it wouldn’t be a mating meld. Before any of the other crew members could say anything Shepard nodded. Liara walked forward and grabbed Shepard’s hand in hers.  
“Embrace eternity,” Liara said and latched onto Shepard’s mind. The first thing Shepard felt was Liara’s joy. She was happy to see her. She hadn’t forgotten.  
I missed you. Liara thought briefly before heading deeper. Suddenly Shepard’s and Liara’s minds were filled with the chaotic images of the signal. Red death filled their vision and caused them to almost fall in the physical world but somehow they managed to keep standing.   
They withdrew all of a sudden, Liara unable to keep the link up. Her blue eyes were filled with tears; she didn’t know how Shepard had even survived getting the vision branded on her brain.  
“You must be remarkably strong-willed commander, “she said softly, “a lesser mind would have been utterly destroyed by the process.”  
The asari felt how the edges of the commroom suddenly seemed to draw closer. She put her hand to her forehead and felt like she was going to fall over.  
“Oh,” she said, feeling pathetic in the room full of soldiers.  
“What’s wrong?” Shepard said, her voice neutral but her eyes held worry.  
“The meld must have exhausted me more than I thought it would,” Liara said, “it would probably be good for me to lay down for a bit.”  
“You should let Dr. Chakwas, Normandy’s onboard doctor, take a look at you,” Shepard said.  
“Perhaps that would be good,” Liara agreed.  
…  
As soon as Shepard could she made her way to the little room that was behind the medbay.  
“Shepard,” Liara breathed when the commander came through the door, “I can’t believe it’s you.”  
The human couldn’t help herself, she walked forward and pulled the asari into her arms. Liara tensed up at first at the initial surprise but she soon relaxed and threw her arms around Shepard’s neck. Shepard rested her cheek on the top of Liara’s shoulder, breathing in her scent. It felt like the first breath after breaking the water surface; she was no longer drowning. Liara hugged Shepard even closer and buried her nose in Shepard’s neck. They stood still for a very long time, just holding each other and neither of them saying a word. Eventually Shepard had to pull away despite not wanting to.  
“I missed you,” she said, realizing that she hadn’t told the asari that she reciprocated the feelings that Liara had shown her in the meld. At her words a spark lit inside Liara’s deep blue eyes and the smile she gave Shepard was nothing but happy.  
“Oh Shepard,” she murmured and then, just like that night all those years ago, the asari leaned upwards and kissed the soldier.  
“Commander,” Joker suddenly said, “there is a call for you from Anderson in the comroom.”  
The lovers kissed one last time, then Shepard pulled away with a last swipe of tongue on Liara’s bottom lip.  
“Duty calls,” she said. She leaned her forehead against Liara’s, slightly out of breath.  
“Like last time,” Liara said with a sad smile.  
“No,” Shepard said quickly, “not like last time. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”  
Liara nodded.  
“Go,” she said, “it would be good for me to rest anyway.”  
…  
“Anderson!” Shepard greeted her old friend, the only father figure she had ever had, when the war hero appeared in front of her in holo. She still felt guilty that she was now in commander of the Normandy, it still felt like the warship should be rightfully his.  
“Shepard,” Anderson greeted her but then he went right to business like always. Their relationship had always been very business focused, they did not tell each other about their lives or how they were doing.  
“There is a man I need you to see,” Anderson said, “C-sec intercepted several messages asking all human biotics to gather at Presrop. We sent aid to the man and they haven’t been seen since. He blames the Alliance for all his problems. He is dangerous and need to be talked to.”  
Shepard looked at the man; his face was even more solemn. She knew that there must be more to the story.  
“What aren’t you telling me?” She asked. Anderson took a deep sigh, it wasn’t a good sign.  
“It’s Major Kyle.”  
Shepard made no outward sound but on the inside she felt her heart sink. Major Kyle had been her commanding officer during the Torfan raid. She had heard of his discharge, the rumors of his insanity. When asked directly, she had sneered and said that he was weak. That a stronger soldier would have managed. She would never admit her own PTSD symptoms, not even to herself. But she did not look forward to facing her former commander.  
She looked back at Anderson, feeling betrayed. If anyone would know how Shepard actually felt it would be Anderson.  
“What are you expecting me to do?” Shepard said, “you remember Major Kyle, I doubt that PTSD and being a cult leader has made him any more clearheaded. If you don’t mind me saying so, sir.”  
“He needs to be stopped,” Anderson answered, “I realize that this is not… Shepard, I can’t just send anyone. And your Spectre status will help in case…”  
“In case I need to kill him,” Shepard said. She couldn’t believe this was happening. She wished she had stayed with Liara instead of taking this damn call. She would rather do almost anything rather than going after Major Kyle.  
“Will this be a problem, Shepard?” Anderson asked.  
“No it will not, sir,” Shepard said, sighing, “I will head there right now.”  
…  
It was several hours later when Shepard returned with bruises, an almost broken rib and a heavy heart. She knew that she should just go to her cabin and see Liara in the morning instead. The asari was probably asleep anyway.  
But Shepard’s legs wouldn’t obey her, before she knew it they had brought her to the medbay. It was thankfully empty, Chakwas had already gone to bed and the commander felt grateful for no questions as she made her way through the medbay towards Liara’s room.  
She knocked quickly, before she changed her mind and told herself that if there was no answer, she would leave immediately. There was no answer. The longer Shepard waited, the more she dreaded that she was acting foolishly. She didn’t even know if Liara wanted her there. Sure, the asari had seemed happy enough before but that didn’t mean that Liara wanted Shepard to disturb her in the middle of the…  
The door opened and a completely awake Liara was standing on the other side. She was wearing a slightly too big Alliance standard t-shirt and a pair of shorts. When she saw who it was on the other side of the door, her face broke into a bright smile, wiping away all of Shepard’s doubts.  
“I thought you weren’t coming,” Liara said after a while of them grinning like fools.  
“I thought you might be sleeping,” Shepard said as Liara stepped to the side and the commander entered the room. Liara had clearly been lying on the cot, her bedding was all rumpled, but she hadn’t been sleeping. The datapad on the top of the cover was proof of that.  
“I couldn’t sleep,” Liara admitted, “I can’t stop thinking about Benezia. Shepard, I don’t understand how she could have allied herself with Saren. It makes no sense.”  
“It seems like Saren has a way of brainwashing his followers,” Shepard said, “there is a risk your mother has no real choice.”  
Liara looked like the thought was revolting.  
“Goddess,” she said and palmed her forehead, “poor Benezia.”  
“If there is a way to help her, we will,” Shepard said, reached out and stroked Liara over the arm.  
The soldier yawned. She was exhausted, she was still tired and sad and she longed to put her head on a pillow, but she didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts. Liara’s cot did look more inviting than her own bed, but she realized she couldn’t just assume that the asari would share her bed with the human. Even if it was only to sleep.  
“I should go,” Shepard said and Liara nodded sadly. The words, ‘You can sleep here if you want,’ were on her lips but she didn’t say them. She didn’t know if the words would be welcome.  
Shepard made a movement towards the door but stopped. She looked at the floor.  
“I don’t want to go,” she said, still not facing the asari, her shoulders hunched. She was so tired.  
“You don’t have to!” Liara said, “you don’t have to go.” She turned around and pulled out one of the big t-shirts out of the stack of clothes that Chakwas had handed her earlier.  
“You can sleep in this,” she said and handed it to Shepard. When Shepard had taken it, Liara turned around and laid down the cot, moving close to the wall so that there was enough room for Shepard. The asari then faced the wall as to give Shepard privacy to change.  
Shepard got undressed until she was only in her underwear, then she pulled the t-shirt over her head. It was nice to get out of her slightly sweaty clothes, even though it hurt to lift her arms. She didn’t hesitate as she slid down, next to the asari.  
As soon as the human had put her head on the pillow, Liara turned around. Her eyes were closed as if asleep but she moved with a clear goal. Shepard tried to count Liara’s freckles in the darkness, suddenly remembering how those freckle-like markings also covered Liara’s shoulders and buttocks.  
Liara pressed her face into Shepard’s neck again; it had quickly become her favourite place to be. She moved her arms over Shepard’s waist. The soldier barely dared to move. Liara smelled just as sweet as she remembered but neither of them was in any place to start something. Liara was still overwhelmed from learning the truth about Benezia and Shepard was still distraught at having to kill Major Kyle. Part of her was still scared that she was going to wind up like him. Crazy and alone.  
She threw her arm around Liara and pulled the asari close. She wanted to relax, to know that for tonight she could forget and just rest in the arms of the beautiful asari. But for some reason she couldn’t and she knew that Liara could feel it when the asari’s hands started running over her arms and torso feeling all the unreleased tension that Shepard was carrying.  
“Are you okay?”  
The question had been but a whisper. Shepard sighed; it was not a question she was able to answer at the moment, because “no” was never acceptable. Liara was scared and overwhelmed about everything, it was not the time for Shepard to talk about her issues or her past; or how she hated the nightmares that so often plagued her during the night.  
“Shhh,” Shepard said and quickly kissed Liara. She gently stopped Liara’s wandering hands and laid them down on the bed, “let’s sleep.”  
Liara knew that there were things that Shepard wasn’t telling her and it was making her worried. She wanted the woman in her bed to be relaxed and happy. Despite everything that was going on, Liara was overjoyed that Shepard had found her and rescued her. She still couldn’t believe it had happened at all.  
Shepard winced in pain as Liara moved her hands again, trailing across her ribs. The asari noticed it immediately, and pulled her arm back.  
“You’re hurt,” she said and sat up. Shepard groaned and had to close her eyes as the light was suddenly on.  
“Liara, I’m fine,” Shepard muttered, “just turn the light off.” But the asari didn’t answer as she hovered over her and reached to pull the t-shirt up. She gasped as Shepard’s black and blue chest was exposed.  
“You’re hurt,” she said again and lightly touched the bruises, “why haven’t you used medigel? You have to feel it.”  
Shepard sighed and pulled her t-shirt down. She wasn’t ready to open up just yet; she wasn’t ready to share her particular brand of therapy with the asari. She sat up and looked to the wall, feeling irritated. She had made a mistake. She looked towards Liara. The asari maiden was looking shocked and confused, but there was also sadness in her eyes that made Shepard’s heart ache.  
“I’m sorry,” Shepard said and threw her legs over the edge of the cot, “this was a mistake.”  
“A mistake?” Liara repeated, “what do you mean?”  
Shepard stood up, keeping her pained face away from Liara as she stood up. Everything hurt, everything always hurt. But at the moment nothing hurt more than the knowledge that she was about to completely confuse and reject Liara who had shown her nothing but trust and kindness.  
Liara noticed in panic how Shepard was about to leave. The archeologist was no fool, she instinctively knew that Shepard carried the world on her shoulders and there was nothing that Shepard wanted less than appear weak. Liara didn’t know what to do. She needed to help Shepard, she needed to do something. Liara didn’t even understand why it was so important for her. The idea that was forming in her head seemed unnecessarily cruel and she didn’t know if Shepard would ever forgive her. But she had to try.  
“I’m sorry Shepard,” she said and when Shepard looked at her questioningly, Liara reached forward with her hands, cupping Shepard’s face and initiated the meld.  
The first emotion that Liara found was pure shock that the asari had entered her head without express permission. I’m sorry, Liara thought but felt that her apology was not well received. The asari decided to deal with that later and instead kept searching.  
When she met the core of Shepard’s problems it hit her like a wave, it was even more solid than the prothean beacon she had helped Shepard deal with earlier. There were so much pain, so much anguish. Even though the years since meeting her had been better, Shepard still had so much to carry.  
Liara saw how Shepard kept awake night after night, scared of the nightmares that plagued her. The asari saw how Shepard refused to use medigel as long as nothing was seriously wrong. She thought that she deserved the pain. Eventually Liara reached the most recent and raw memory. The killing of Shepard’s former commanding officer. The asari saw how Shepard had been reminded of Torfan, on how Major Kyle had recognized the soldier as the ‘butcher of Torfan’, making Shepard feel even more like a killing machine. Liara saw how much it had hurt Shepard to have to kill him, another dead body on her never-ending list. Tears started pouring down Liara’s face as she saw Shepard’s real fear, that there was no humanity left in her and that she was doomed to wind up as Major Kyle had, angry, alone and insane.  
Oh Shepard, she thought towards the human, almost forgetting that she had forced her way into Shepard’s brain. Liara was so deep in Shepard’s brain it was difficult to recognize any actual physical sensations, but she felt it when she was suddenly slammed onto the bed. She blinked a couple of times, ending the meld as gently as she could.  
She was lying on the bed, an angry Shepard holding her down. Shepard’s cheeks were wet and glistening from the tears they had shared but her eyes were wide and angry.  
“How dare you?,” she growled and Liara felt her heart beat speed up, Shepard had her completely pinned and even though her biotics were most likely strong enough to take Shepard off of her, she didn’t want to initiate an actual physical struggle.  
“That was mine,” Shepard continued, her anger basically pouring out of her, “not yours. How dare you?”  
“I’m… I’m sorry,” Liara gasped, “please, I’m sorry…” she had known that melding without Shepard’s permission would most likely be a bad idea and that it would make the soldier furious but she had felt that she didn’t have a choice. She hadn’t wanted Shepard to leave like that.  
Shepard lifted her up a few inches before pushing her down again, shaking her. She didn’t say anything else; she just focused her raging eyes on Liara.   
“Shepard,” Liara said sadly, “Shepard, I’m sorry.”  
“Your sorry means nothing,” Shepard muttered.   
The soldier felt betrayed and out of control, she was usually so good at guarding her emotions and keeping herself from feeling them. With one meld, Liara had broken through all her walls and there was nothing shielding her from anything anymore.  
She looked down at the asari underneath her. Liara was looking up at her with frightened eyes, but there was also another emotion simmering in those wide eyes. Shepard realized that Liara wasn’t just scared of her reaction but also deeply concerned. Liara cared for her, for whatever reason.  
The soldier was suddenly very aware of how their bodies connected and how Liara’s breathing was just a little bit faster, she could almost see how the pulse in Liara’s throat was beating with a steady rhythm. Shepard felt another emotion rise within her. Before she had a chance to even evaluate if it was a good idea, Shepard had placed her whole weight on the asari under her and covered the blue lips with her own.  
Liara hadn’t been able to admit to herself that it excited her to have Shepard on top of her, holding her down. She hadn’t been scared of Shepard, it might have been naïve of her but she didn’t think that the human was actually capable of hurting her. Instead she had felt extremely guilty for forcing herself into Shepard’s brain and she wished she could take it back.   
“Shepard,” Liara cried when Shepard left her lips and attacked her neck instead, biting down hard and making the asari to squirm underneath her. Shepard seemed gone, lost in her own head again and she didn’t acknowledge any of Liara’s reactions as she forced her leg between Liara’s thighs and with a firm grip on Liara’s waist forced the asari to grind down on her leg.  
Liara cried out at the contact but didn’t know what to do. It was so different from their other time. The last time Shepard had been careful with her, this time it was as if Shepard barely noticed that Liara was there, instead she was acting purely on instinct with the single goal of purging her mind of any painful memories. Liara noticed to her surprise that she didn’t mind, she wanted to give this to Shepard if that was what the human needed. She hesitantly lifted her leg, not sure what to do but Shepard took over the reins by grabbing her leg and grinding down on it. There was only her underwear between herself and Liara’s leg and the asari whimpered when she felt the warmth and wetness through the thin fabric. She didn’t know why but the sensation made her mouth water. Shepard kept pumping her hips into Liara and Liara reciprocated as well as she could, but nothing could match the pure hunger in the soldier’s face.  
Shepard brought their lips together again. Her abdomen was burning and she couldn’t stop her desperate pumping movements against Liara’s thigh despite a small realization that what she was doing was not good for either of them. She was going to come all over Liara’s thigh in just a moment and it was neither romantic nor very impressive. Liara’s scent was everywhere and Shepard felt how the asari’s wetness had started to leak through the shorts, she was clearly willing. If Liara had shown any form of resistance Shepard would have stopped right away.  
Shepard cried out as she suddenly crashed first head into climax. It was too fast and too intense and the human forced her tongue between Liara’s lips, needing the asari’s mouth to anchor her as she rode through the waves.   
For Liara, release had still not come. She licked her lips as Shepard released them and rested her forehead on the pillow next to Liara’s head but she didn’t stop moving, intent of driving Liara over the edge as well. But the asari was not getting there. She knew that melding with Shepard again would be a bad idea despite what her body needed. She trashed against the muscular body on top of her, so close to the edge but unable to relax enough to fall over it. Her eyes flashed black and big heavy tears trailed their way down her already wet cheeks, every cell of her body was screaming at her to reach out and join with the person on top of her, the person who seemed so intent on bringing her pleasure.  
“Please,” she whimpered without wanting to.  
“No,” Shepard said, knowing exactly what Liara meant and the asari sighed in desperation. But Shepard was not going to give up, she was sure that she could bring Liara to climax without the meld. She moved her hand down, over Liara’s stomach and then under the hem of the shorts. She found Liara’s lips swollen and ready for her touch with so much wetness and Shepard couldn’t help but groan. Liara felt so amazing against her fingers.   
The asari was so close, right on the edge; Shepard knew it wouldn’t take much. She found Liara’s clit and swiped it with her fingers, feeling it throb. That was all it took. Liara threw her head back and loudly moaned as her insides clenched against nothing. She almost wasn’t able to stop herself from joining with Shepard but somehow she managed to resist.  
She stilled underneath Shepard who pressed a week kiss against Liara’s cheek. After that they both laid still, unsure at what was the right thing to do. Liara still felt guilty at melding without Shepard’s permission and Shepard felt guilty at almost forcing herself on Liara. Neither of them had any idea what to say or even how to mend their budding relationship. They were still basically strangers, despite how familiar they felt to each other.  
“I shouldn’t have melded with you,” Liara said eventually, unable to stand the tension filled silence anymore.  
“No, you shouldn’t have,” Shepard said and with a groan rolled off Liara. The pain in her ribs was back and for a moment she considered using some medigel. The thought was so surprising and a little bit unsettling.  
“But…” Shepard continued, “I shouldn’t have… done what I just did. It wasn’t right.”  
“I’m fine, Shepard,” Liara said, “a bit unsettled. But unharmed.”   
Shepard didn’t know what to do now. She was still exhausted and in pain, every muscle she had was aching. She was also in emotional turmoil as Liara’s mere presence seemed to chase away any ounce of sanity she had.   
“We can still sleep,” Liara said carefully after a while, “we can forget about this. I… I won’t ask you again about your wounds. I will never meld without your permission again. We…”  
“Yeah,” Shepard interrupted, “I think that might be a good idea.”   
She sighed heavily but made no attempt to sit up. She just laid next to Liara. As they turned off the light and she felt the asari next to her drift off in seemingly peaceful sleep, Shepard stayed awake. She couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t relax. She knew that something was wrong. She couldn’t live like this anymore.


End file.
